How do I handle mom's Alzheimer's-related outbursts and anger?

You have my absolute respect because I know first hand how hard this is.
My Mom was extremely abusive when we began this journey over 5 years ago. Mean as a snake. Actually, I hate to demean the snake.
It took her about 18 months to even smile at me.
I figured out that her biggest issue was the fear of abandonment and I developed the 'safe and sound' routine. I still tell her a lot: you are safe and sound. Belly's full, clean and dry, clean clothes, chocolate pudding, etc. etc. When she would get awful I would holler back at her that no matter how big of a jackass she wanted to be I wasn't going to leave her, so knock it off. I made up my mind that I would literally just wear her out. You know the tv show Survivor? Outwit, outlast and whatever the other one is, outplay, outhouse, whatever, you take my point.
At this stage of the game, I feel as if I have tamed a feral animal. Her anger is gone but some of the fears are still there and all I can do is be there and say, you're safe and sound.. let's have some tea.

All dementias are different in the way the person reacts. What worked for me could very well not work for you, but may be worth a try. My mother and I had a sad, distant relationship because of so many stupid reasons and I would never have believed that we could have pulled this off but we have.

The other thing I kept saying to her is: we only have this moment. That's it. All we have is this. So quit being a pill.

If you think of taming a feral animal, food is involved. Kind words and a sliced apple, etc. Food goes a long way as currency for the old folks.

I know it's hard to be nice to someone who is a total A**H*** to you, but it might work and you might be able to have a peaceful home with an elderly person with special needs in it as opposed to the insanity and heartbreak I know you are living in now.

Good luck and please don't forget to find things in your situation that are funny. You know they're there, just go ahead and give voice to it to help keep YOU sane.

My Mom can crap her pants, try to hide the pants and after I pull it all together with the bath for Mom, pants rinsed out, load in the machine (no pun intended) bed changed out, clean pjs, etc. She'll stand at the bed with a puss on picking the 'lint' off of the clean bedspread. How dare I place a bedspread that has lint on it. That's totally worth a laugh.

Talk to you soon,
Bobbie

Is your mother taking either Aricep or Namanda?

I know some people will disagree with me on this-

But when I started giving my Mother Namanda-she got very abusive and kept saying she didn't live here. I talked to the doctor and he said that the medicine shouldn't be causing that-

Well I stopped giving it to her and it stopped-

Then we tried Aricept- after 2 weeks same thing-wants to go home.

My sister told the doctor,My Ma should take both -

Well- after 2 days- she got up 2:30 in the morning and walked outside-
She made enough noise-when she got up that I got her back in acouple of minutes.(which i installed a keyed chain lock-where she can't get out)

So I quit giving her both(which the doctor finally agreed) was having an affect on her.

Aricept and Namanda may work for some people(doesn't really help)-but for my mother (when she took them) she got very abusive and didn't what to listen to me.

At times she mentions about going home-but now I can reason with her-when she took the medicine-I couldnt!

If your the caregiver and live with that person- you can see the effects-if you give them medication-
some people who don't live with the person-can suggest something-and not know whats really going on!

I am dealing with my mother-in-law's abusive behavior. She has a history of causing family problems even before the advent of her dementia. She has disrupted our home since she moved in one year ago. She made the last year of my dad's life miserable, and now is focusing her hate on me. My father moved in with us first almost 12 years ago, and just recently passed away.
She feels safest with my husband, which I guess is understandable. I am coping by insisting on 4 hour respite stays of once per week, weekend stays once per month, and week long stays once or twice per year. I don't know if this will be enough, but it is a start. I refuse to expose myself to her abuse, which unfortunately puts more pressure on my husband. I would like to see her move out to be honest, but I won't force that decision. I can say I won't ever forget the grief she caused my father.

I have been living with my mom for a year now. I totally understand this issue and have had several meltdown's myself. It it all new to everyone at the beginning and you learn how to cope. I keep telling myself, she can't help it..Once you really accept that, things will get better hopefully. We have our days, however, every day is a new day....Good luck and may God bless all of us...

I agree with the previous remarks about Aricep. I had my Mom on that for about 2 or 3 weeks and she became awful. Not only was she more aggitated, but she was stumbling around like a drunk. When Mom gets in one of her tirades I try to refocus her on something she enjoyed in the past which is old time country music. I turn on the radio and ask a question about the current song...who is that singing, what's the name of that song etc. It ususally helps her forget she was even angry.

I'm comforted to know that others too are getting abused by their mother. I agree you learn to cope although it is never pleasant. My mother is so old now that she wears out easily so the tirades don't go on for hours like they used to when I was a kid. Also she can't focus and sometimes forgets why she is angry. Distraction is the best. I like the idea of the food distraction.

Although it does no good, I wonder why these people are still with us. Nature is not being very efficient. I try to remember that it will end eventually. God help us all.

HELP. My mother ( by adoption of me at 6 months ) has gone from a strange angry life to totally " un managable " at age 82. She has always said she wants to die and be with Jesus ( as long as I can remember for all my 49 years ). She has never said anything positive about my adopted dad, ( who she abandoned for his last two weeks of suffering with cancer ). I have never found any history of any abuse toward her, or anything even close. She has seemed to have began to hate me as I reached puberty, and dosent say much nice about men in general. My wife and I have even thought maybe she was raped or molested by a family member in her childhood,...I even asked her point blank last week. But she didnt even stir at the question, and said that she had no troubles ever like that.
So whats next?? She is terrible in public with little or no manners, she eats and acts like she is about 7 years old and High on Coca Cola and sugar donuts !!!!!!
She has tried suicide at least twice in my lifetime. But now she is into not eating.
She has lost 12 pounds in a month, and just refuses to eat...despite the fact I fill her refrigerator & pantry. She doesent call me, as I need to have her mail, she seems to run out of her perscriptions ON PURPOSE, and now....she is LYING to everyone about EVERYTING. She refuses to do laundry, and wears dirty clothes all the time, despite my best efforts to keep ahead of her. She does however hang in ther with her church friends.... Im losing my mind.... Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks