I am caring for my 81-year-old mother who lives with me. She is very controlling, wants to rule my life, and treats me like I’m still a teenager. Pointing this out to her doesn’t seem to do any good. What can I do?

I have found that much of the mental disciplines / character-building disciplines that work with raising children and handling interpersonal relationships of all types work remarkably well with my senior mother.

I never knew my father, so I had to sort of learn the hard way how life works: treat people poorly, you find yourself alone a lot. Don't pay your bills, you lose things. Don't take care of your mental, physical, educational, professional maintenance, you can't marry the type of person you want or hang out with the types of people you admire. that kind of stuff.

So I apply that kind of reasoning to dealing with my mother. It's basically the book of Proverbs. (Don't panic

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Thanks Jacqueline. I've had haunting concerns as to my mother's mental stability, allbeit dementia or alzheimers. It's a hard call here, unless tested that is, because she demonstrates an extreme capability of taking care of all of her financial responsibilities down to the penny. She's also well socialized and deeply rooted in her home area Church, and keeps active with senior group activities. Because many over the years know and love my mother, they completely ignore the apparent signs exhibited that I wrote about in my comments.

My problem is that she's already threatened to call the police if I come to her home to enforce that she go to any doctor appointment. Can you imagine how she's going to react to your suggestion of going to a Neurologist? I'm wondering if I may have to intervene through the court system or some 'aging foundation' in her area. I'm thinking that should I go to stay with her that with more prodding, I can get her to go without force.

Joy

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I have come to my whits end. My father "sees people" all the time and feels that they are either after him, trying to take his possessions, or out to destroy something. He is aware that we can't see them but it frustrates him. He feels they are spirits and doesn't understand why they won't leave him alone. I came in one day to find a case of soda and sandwiches sitting all around the house. He said that he had to feed all the people there because they were hungry. Some of them are hurt, children, adults, male, female. I am at a loss as to what this is or what to do about it. Is he a danger to himself or anyone else? He becomes afraid of some of them and says he is going to get them before they get him. He runs from police (in his mind) and the last straw was him driving a truck up the road and walking through the woods to try and get home. He was lost in the woods for hours. Please help!

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Hi,
I am brand new to this site and I have to say that it is a wonderful. My mother, 83,moved in with me and my husband four years ago this month. My only sibling, my sister, died of breast cancer. She had never moved out of our family home and lived with my mother. When she died I thought that the only thing to do was to move my mother in with us. Both my husband and I had no qualms about it. We thought that everything would work out. We all got along really well.....until we moved her to our home in another state. It has been a real nightmare. She never had many friends and certainly doesn't want to make any new ones. She refuses to meet people her own age because she told me that they make you old! She is making me old!!!!!!!!!!

After reading many of the posts, I see that most of you are going through the same sort of experiences that I am. Keeping a sense of humor is a good thing but now always easy. My mother is healthy so I am grateful for that. She was spoiled by my father and sister and expects to do everything with me. I have no time alone. Right now I am hiding in my laundry room with my laptop. I think this forum is going to be a lifesaver.

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Joy, I sympathize with your pain. My mom and dad started having behaviors that scared me before mom started doing attention-seeking hospital runs and dad was finally treated for dementia/Alzheimer's (mom refused his treatment due to her denial).

You can only do so much. I found that with mom I think she has dementia, then I scavage their apartment while their down in the dining room and find oh she's coherent alright. It's a control game for her.

I was fortunate to get power of attorney before my mom's first hospital run and before dad took a turn downwards. You can't force a control-freak to do anything. I found that with the hospitals and so forth, BUT what you can do is stay in close contact with doctors. I became good friends with several of them regarding mom's care. That proved of real importance when it came to certain documentation in making medical decisions. Some things they would not do because she had said no to things, but because of her constant pattern with many doctors, it proved to work against her without her ever realizing it was of her own doing.

I have a mother who had a life time 50+ years with my dad and getting it her way. That makes for a life now that is harder than hell to come to grips with and I can assure you it will not end. It may slow down when she realizes certain truths, but unless they are willing to change... we have to learn to cope.

Only one left... go find a thread I started called "Laughter in the midst..." Hopefully others will start posting their funny stories so we can laugh, heal and learn all at the same time.

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