Is there an ideal time off (respite) for caregivers that I can show my sisters to help my case for getting time off?

I know exactly what you are going through. Last year my husband and I took in my mother-in-law and both of my husbands sisters promised they would help out. We have not had one day alone together in a whole year. We have all duties, including handling her finances, medical and legal. My husband tried to talk to them but they always seem to have one excuse or another why they can't come and take my mother-in-law out for the day.

We still have a 12 year old daughter at home who still requires our attention and they have no kids left at home. I finally had enough and sent an e-mail asking them to step up and give us a break and how it is affecting our marriage. I'm sorry to say I got a less than enthusiastic response.

I, too, understand your lack of response from your siblings. My husband and I took in my grandmother a bit over 2 years ago to keep her from going to a nursing home. My mother passed away 7 years ago, and my only living uncle could care less about anything but her money (which he made sure he had his name on after my grandfather passed away 8 years ago.)

I have four sisters, but only two of them live near me. They promised to help by giving my husband and me time off. I've never seen it. In fact when I do ask for help, one sister never has the time and the other seems to have to work about half the time.

We have two daughters at home, aged 8 and 4. My younger daughter doesn't know anything about having a "normal" family life. There are so many things that we've not been able to do in the last 3 years because of the lack of support I have from family in caring for my grandmother. We've not been on vacation, the girls hardly get to do things outside of our church setting, and we never get to go out and eat just the kids and us.

Unfortunately, we don't have an adult daycare in our very rural area. And, I don't have access to her money to pay someone to come in and help.

I left a job I loved, one year ago this week, to care for Mom. I have 6 siblings who decided because I live in an apartment in Mom's house that I would be the best choice to care for her. As Dad died very young at 54, I have been the one Mom has relied on for years. I'm the 2nd oldest of her kids. 3 years ago she started having major anxiety attacks. She also has Parkinson's that is well under control with meds. But the panic attacks soon took over and she ended up in a nursing home for rehab last April. That's when I left work to take care of her. Of course everybody else said they would relieve me on weekends, but you know how that goes.

Now I need surgery on my shoulder and will not be able to drive for up to 6 weeks. The shoulder has to be immobilized and I need physical therapy to help get the use of my arm back.The one sister that helps me most happens to be going on vacation when I have the surgery. That threw everyone else into a tizzy! One sister that lives 45 minutes away wanted me to reschedule so she wouldn't have to help. Guess what? I finally had enough and told them Mom has to stay with someone for at least the first week. So now they can see what I deal with every day.

My husband and I rarely eat together and can't go to far on the weekends unless someone can watch Mom. Dementia has set in so I take care of pills,bills, groceries, etc. Then there's the wet bed a few times a week. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. That makes for major stress and causes care givers to sometimes lose it with their loved ones. Respite time is a must for all of us!

I sure wish I didn't have to go through surgery to get some much needed time off! Good luck everyone of you that has this same problem. No one has any idea how lucky they are to have us!!!

My two sisters help out when they are available but when I really need them they say I need to work with their schedule. they seem to forget I have a schedule too but oh we have a free life and we are invisible, I guess. they really know how lucky they are. i started counseling last week and feel good about it. It was hard for me to go and I felt a little guilty but I immediately took to my new friend. I think she is really going to give me some good tips, might be hard to implement them but I am going to do my best. Best of luck to all of you out there. God has to be looking out for us because NO ONE else does. He HAS too! It's the only way I can get thru this is to believe He is there with me.

Good night all!

DH

Thanks for talking about Adult Day Care. Seniors need to be stimulated and introduced to new things. I have found Day Cares locally that include Physical Therapy as well. PT's are a tremendous asset to helping Seniors exercise. There are different types. Incorporating Day care a few hours a week, gradually increasing as they become more confident and comfortable goes a long way to helping both caregiver and senior. The earlier this can be incorporated, the better.