How can I get my passive sibling to help me with the care of our elderly parents?

How can I have my brother who lives in another part of the country to help me in any way with my parents' care? He is basically useless, and doesn't grasp what the real problems are. He was more concerned that food be kosher when my dad had to enter rehab recently. My dad didn't care and understood he had to eat no matter what. My brother is more involved with religion than dealing at all with my parents. I had to tell him repeatedly to call my parents after weeks of no communication. He basically never even calls them! He waits until my dad calls him! I have just about given up on him. My husband helps with errands and fixing things and moral support, but when it comes to taking care of matters or paperwork, he is clueless although he does mean well.

It just gets so frustrating, even though I am convinced that I do the right things for my parents. I don't just rush into action; I think very clearly at the problem at hand and the pros and cons of how to go about dealing with them. Thank goodness I have been blessed with good old common sense.

Yesterday, I lost my cool with my dad and really showed my temper, but didn't mean to. There was just so much anger and resentment in me because he fights me on every little thing. I need to wear earplugs and go ahead with what needs to be done.

I wonder if you might be able to get help from the place that he seems to understand the most - his synagogue? Can you speak with the rabbi about the issue and ask for his help in getting your brother to understand that helping to care for his parents is a moral obligation? Not to mention the love that they have shown him during his life needs to be reciprocated?

Since yesterday, I have done a lot of thinking about my parents and how my brother can help. I decided that I will do about my brother. I will not contact him each time something comes up, as I wind up making the decision myself anyway. If he is stupid enough not to call and speak to my parents, then he will have to live with the guilt, not me. I can't speak to my brother's rabbi as he is not on my wavelength. My brother is ultra-religious, and I would feel totally uncomfortable talking to him.
However, if and when I do need to speak to a rabbi about my parents, I will speak to the one in their assisted living. He could help me in finding community resources to help them. I appreciate your advice and your thoughtfulness. Thank you!

My elderly parents have 6 children all living relatively nearby, and only 3 of us are willing to actually take the time to help. Everyone has a life, a job, a family and other responsibilities but they are our parents and sacrificed everything so that we would be raised happy and healthy. Now that the time has come to give back to them, not everyone wants to pitch in and help. 2 of my brothers live in the same city as my parents but don't want to help. My boyfriend does more for my dad than his own sons he has loved and cared for for over 40 years. I don't know what they've told themselves in their heads that makes this okay but it must be a doozy. Its sad, but at least there others of us to care for them. I feel bad for my 2 brothers because you reap what you sow ... and when its their turn to be cared for their children will have learned from their example.

My father in law lives with my husband and I on a part time basis, he has 7 living children who all live in the same town as he does except for my husband and only he and his sister are the sole caregivers, his other children are selfish and will not help with the care of their father, they are more concerned about the intrusion in their daily routines and how much time he takes out of their lives, they do not take into consideration that he is 88 years old, his eyesight is failing, he has arthritis and that he does not have a lifetime in front of him, they should be cherishing the fact that he lived a long life and in his golden years they should be there for him like he was when they were growing up. I worry for my husbands sanity sometime because of the stress of dealing with his Dad is somewhat difficult and stubborn behaviour, he expects everyone to be at his beck and call and will rise at the crack of dawn expecting everyone to be up at the same time, as well as his siblings refusal to help out. My father in law likes his beer and cigarettes and would drink and smoke to his hearts content but he has health issue's that would be agravated by this kind of activity if not kill him! my in laws are useless and can't even be bothered to watch him , he needs a constant routine and a stable home and he does not have either, it is suggested that he enter an old folks home, but he does not want to go becaue he thinks that it would be like "jail", My Husband and I don't have a life anymore and his family just does not care one bit. We are beside ourselves with the inlaws selfish behaviour and the only person suffering for it is dad, does anyone have any ideas on how to convince dad that he does need to be in a home? He needs a routine where someone will be there when he rises early in the morning and give him his medication and he will have someone on call when the need arises, my husband is a seasonal worker who leaves town to work and I work full time as well as my sister in law, the time will come when there will not be anyone around to care for him we are looking into the future for his care but cannot convince him to go to the home let alone have his other children watch him, we are getting desperate for a solution.