AlwaysMyDuty

Alwaysmyduty, I'm sorry you've had these problems with your Mom. Here's a hug for you!

you gave some wonderful advice there......thanks......as it helps a lot of people a lot of the time.

Char

Like I told my health insurance health coach today, I'm not sure what exactly is going on with me and my psychiatrist flat out invalidated my small steps that I'm making which to me mean the financial burden of my mother's mess is almost over since I put her stuff outside of my "Man Cave" when I cleaned and organized it recently after a year of chaos. Having that one place back together does make me feel a bit more balanced. Unfortunately, I'll still use to getting invalidated that I don't always recognize it until later and thus don't end up speaking up for myself. I've also learned from experience not to drive up to visit my mother on the same day that my bowling league is which was tonight.

I know that lately I've been very excited about people's validation of what I to offer here as well as the support I get for I don't get much of an outlet for that knowledge anymore. Also, I was excited this week when a person in leadership wanted my input concerning helping people making transitions when they go on disability because of a few things I put on his blog. So, I finished an article I was already working on and focused it on the theme of having a second life which has been my journey since 2003 which is also when Second Life was launched online. Another wonderful thing has been finding so many cousins from Ohio that I've not seen in ages on Face Book.

I think possibly I'm subconsciously still processing in the quiet hours of the night parts of my journey that are now getting addressed which are the most painful parts of the painful stuff that I've shared. Sometimes in my lowest moments I think, dang if people knew how really messed up I am on the inside, I'm not sure how they would react. But that is really not all that important for many reasons and one of them is that my marriage is at a point where my wife and I can discuss these things and sometimes draws out conclusions or insights that I'm not always on top of but see once she says them Sufficient to say that my therapist told me Tuesday, my wife and I have something that far too often a couple in their fifties do not have (I'm 52 and she's 55). My wife has gained much liberty through therapy, meds, DBT, that her mother for the most part is out of her head. This means she can more fully be a wife and more fully be a mother for she is now more fully her own person.

I am somewhat surprised how comfortable I've been with being as transparent and I've been, but that has been liberating as well.

Thanks for your compliment posted on my wall. Maybe I can sleep well again tonight. Last night was an improvement.

I am glad to hear that you will be able to sleep in peace tonight. May it be a very restful and refreshing sleep.

For whatever reason, I've had trouble sleeping off and on for the last 6 nights with at least 3 of them totally without sleep.

my heart goes out to you . bless your heart .

I am so very sorry what you are going through did anyone do a background check on Daisy if she works for an agency I would call the agency to report her and if she is a private hire someone should tell your mother it is not a good idea to hire just anyone and if she got hurt your mother would have to pay her expenses and people who work for an agency are bonded it is not a good idea to just let anyone into your house an aunt of my husbands hired someone privately to care for her and the aide came back at night with others and were planning on robing her but her neighbor saw them and ran them off- and your sister should have sent you the money directly to you instead of your mother unless she did not mean it for you. I am doing ok he left me in a mess of debt but I am very frugel so I will be alright and my son lives close by-I do what I can for myself and only ask him to help when very necessary when my husband and was alive I needed a door to be taken down so his power wheelchair would be able to fit in the dooeway and I did it myself-of course I did it wrong and it fell on me but I learned how to do it better next time. I started going to our senior center when he was still with us and church activities so I have things to keep me busy and crochet lap robes to donate to our senior center who give them to nursing homes and VA hospitals and I like to read and then of course is the housework and I have a large lawn to mow in the summer and a small garden and I live near a bike/walking trail which I enjoy and after taking care of my husband for so long I enjoy the peace and quiet-thank you for your note I have met so many great people on this site-we had gotten the computer to keep my husband busy but he would not get interested in it but I enjoy using it very much. I live in the northeast.

Feel free to go to my wall any time I was a caregiver for my husband until June when he died and go out to my Moms at times to help my sister to get to my wall just click on my name where ever you see it and I will get back to you-I now check it every day -they use to let us know when someone left a message but have not been doing that lately-you have every right to be upset with your sister she could at least send you money to hire help at times which you could use very well take care.

Dear Always, praying your Thanksgiving is a blessing!

Dear Secret,
Thanks a million for your kind words. I appreciate the hug! I've already learned a great deal from the posts and don't feel quite so alone. I always say "If you think you've got it bad, someone else has it worse" and from what I've read, how true it is. My heart hurts for all of us and our individual situations. You have shown me kindness and hope. Many thanks!!!

You deserve a hug! Thanks for sharing more of your story. Hope you find hope and encouragement here. You've already been a blessing to me. Thank you! :)