If her doctor can't convince her, I don't think a counselor will. Even if she could come to accept her diagnosis... then what? Is it not going to change the fact that her disease is progressive, or that she cannot prevent herself from losing her abilities of reason and logic and empathy or memory. She may still be resistant and paranoid. Treat her like you would like to be treated if you were the one with the broken brain. You are the one that now needs to change.
Here are some guidelines I found helpful:
Rules for Engaging Our Loved Ones with Dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
I also learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and provides many helpful strategies to achieve more peaceful and productive interactions with our LOs.
Yes, Lea is correct. As I said in my previous post, people who have dementia can’t fully comprehend what is going on.
Even when someone is diagnosed younger in life, they don’t fully understand what is happening.
I am seeing this with my brother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age sixty.
He keeps telling me that he has to be “more mindful” of things.
He knows that he is experiencing memory problems but I don’t think he is attributing this to his diagnosis.
He doesn’t seem to be able to make the connection between Alzheimer’s disease and being forgetful.
I think it’s harder for those who have type A personalities that are used to getting things done. My brother was very successful in his life. He isn’t used to being confused and not being able to control his life.
I feel for you, because it is frustrating for the person who has dementia and for the family members too.
I think a social worker who is in private practice for counseling, who would be familiar with life transitions best for this; also able to let you know pretty quickly if your wife can, at this point, benefit from counseling.
Which stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner. Rather than trying to convince your loved one they're sick, actively listening to their point of view can help build trust and respect. Being supportive may help encourage your loved one to be more open and honest about their perspective.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to help your wife and cope yourself.
Yes, sure there are. In my area there are psychologists and family/marital therapists who specialize in counseling of the aging adult. Do a google search for someone in your area, or ask a geriatrician doctor for recommendations.
Here are some guidelines I found helpful:
Rules for Engaging Our Loved Ones with Dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
I also learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and provides many helpful strategies to achieve more peaceful and productive interactions with our LOs.
I would suggest that you go to better understand this disease and how to deal with it.
You are the one who will have a struggle to deal with, her, not so much soon nothing will make a difference to her.
Sending support your way.
Even when someone is diagnosed younger in life, they don’t fully understand what is happening.
I am seeing this with my brother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age sixty.
He keeps telling me that he has to be “more mindful” of things.
He knows that he is experiencing memory problems but I don’t think he is attributing this to his diagnosis.
He doesn’t seem to be able to make the connection between Alzheimer’s disease and being forgetful.
I think it’s harder for those who have type A personalities that are used to getting things done. My brother was very successful in his life. He isn’t used to being confused and not being able to control his life.
I feel for you, because it is frustrating for the person who has dementia and for the family members too.
Your wife has anosognosia which means she's wholly unaware of her impairment. Here is a useful article from Agingcare on coping with it:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm
Remember the acronym LEAP:
Which stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner. Rather than trying to convince your loved one they're sick, actively listening to their point of view can help build trust and respect. Being supportive may help encourage your loved one to be more open and honest about their perspective.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to help your wife and cope yourself.
Good luck to you.
What stage of dementia is she in? If she is in an advanced stage, she will not be able to comprehend the reality of her situation.
You can go to see a therapist to help you through these challenges.
Best wishes to you and your wife.