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Caring for a spouse is different than a parent. At least their home can be sold and used for payments but I refuse to touch my paid for home.

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Unfortunately these places are expensive. And home caregivers are also thousands of dollars a month. It's difficult indeed.
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Now pretend you’re on the other side (a greedy, wealthy businessman), and ask the same question. There’s your answer.
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I pay $5200 a month for memory care and she only makes _3200 and now hospice took her off and i can not pay for meds, dme equip or her memory care. I can not sell house as i will be homeless and i lived there almost 16 years became her caregiver since 2018. She was put in memory care 2021 because psyc hosp hurt her and perm disabled her . Her home is in bad shape and not safe or equipped for her handicap as poa can i sell house and get handicap accessable apt and pay for ft care for her there ?
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The cost of being taken care of in old age has always been staggering. That's why we're supposed to save up for it as we go along. Unfortunately, too few do. There are those who could but don't. I know some of them. But boy, did they ever enjoy those frequent cruises all over the world, the expensive cars, and the big family resort vacations where they treated the whole family in order to make memories.

Trouble is, those memories don't do a thing to help the beloved family when they have to literally give up their lives, their homes, their jobs, all their spare time and their health so they can take care of grammy and grampy, who by this time are alone in their aging original home and demand help.

I am getting to the point where I have no sympathy for grammy and grampy, the ones who didn't plan for old age. They need to be in a place where they can have fun with people their own age and be cared for by preofessionals. They could be. But instead they're ruining other peoples' lives. The memories of the overspending back in the day aren't much help.
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Yes, you need to talk to an elder lawyer about splitting your assets. Your spouses split will go to his care. When its almost gone (3 months before) you apply for Medicaid. One DH is on Medicaid, you become the Community Spouse, remaining in the home, get one car, enough or all of your monthly income to live on. I just gave you the basics but an Elder Lawyer can explain more fully. It must be an EL because they know Medicaid.
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The cost of healthcare has been horrendous for sometime now (even medical care, healthcare premiums, not just facility care). The labor shortage (30,000 doctors short in the US for the number of aging Boomers, cost of higher education for medical professionals, plus population decline) is exacerbating the problem. Also, the economy and cost of just about everything has increased (food, gas, etc).

Employees are an employer's largest expense. In an era of labor shortage, the availability of viable workers increases the costs (higher wages to attract the better people also means higher payroll taxes and benefits costs, higher worker's comp and business insurance, cost of turnover, etc).

Also, because of the larger aging Boomer population, there was a shortage of facilities. New facilities had to build when the cost of construction was as high as it's ever been (at least in my neck of the woods).

Anyone who thinks the government should pay a larger share of the the cost of care needs to remember that the government gets its money from us, the taxpayer. There is no good solution unless you want higher taxes (even if your 1-level solution is to keep "taxing the rich" -- they will eventually pick up their marbles and leave so this only works for a minute).

The problem would be partially eased if our government would fix the immigration problem to let people in faster and legally to fill those facility (and other unskilled) jobs. Choking off immigration (and using it as a political bludgeon) just worsens the labor shortage due to our decreased birth rate ).

My dream solution would be for philanstropists and foundations to temporarily redirect funds currently being poured into "sexy sounding" goals (like global warming as one example) in order to address the immediate crisis of the cost of caregiving.
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Cruise, I suggest you look into Medicaid.

See an Elder Law attorney about provisions made for the Community Spouse, i.e. the one who remains home.
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Very good question. The whole system is very hard and expensive for elderly people.

It feels like “let’s get rid of old people”.

Those who can’t afford it, struggle at home. Family helpers get stressed and worn out. Even those who can afford facilities, are often neglected and abused (there are exceptions; good facilities do exist). The facilities that are good are often very expensive. Those that are “free” are often worse.

It’s a system that works against the elderly and their families. No respect for the elderly. If there would be more respect, strict laws would be in place about prices, quality, staffing, to make GOOD facilities accessible to all.

In the same way that one has public schools accessible to all…because education is a right. (Many years ago, it wasn’t a right.)

Being elderly and getting GOOD care should be a right.
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