My father.

If you really feel you must, can you pay his bills online and not enter his house?

The house is never going to get cleaned up, and Dad will never change.
Pick up the mail and bring it back home with you to do the bills.
If Dad doesn't like you doing the bills at your home he can do his own bills or he finds someone else to help him.
Stop being a doormat.

I would not even pay his bills for him without being POA,
nor would I take on POA in this situation, not after the family treated you the way they did last Fall. Don't you have a sister ? What does she do?
Does anyone have POA?

Either help your father on your terms or don't. He's in need, and you're obviously drawn to helping him, so why say "I didn't ask to be born" and "f him and my mother who created this situation" ?

Either help him or don't, but make a conscious plan and then stick to it. Nobody asks to be born! But born we are and then find ourselves faced with dysfunctional parents or alcoholics or abusive and hurtful people to deal with as they age. You're going to be angry and resentful of this man one way or another, it seems to me. Whether you help him or cut him out of your life completely. Which scenario will cause ou LESS anger and resentment ? If its to help him, then clean the place up to where it's hygienic enough to be bearable. Then spend X amount of time helping him each week, period.

If the decision is to cut him out of your life, then do it cleanly, no looking back.

Its the expectations you set down that make you mad because he cannot or will not do as you wish. Do it FOR him or stop expecting change! This may relieve some of your anger and resentment Mary. Not a lot, but a little. You have to come to terms with the reality of who your father IS before you do anything else. You won't change that reality, unfortunately.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

Mary, I reread your first post. Seems last Oct your family did not want you involved in their care. I thought there was a POA? Has Dad assigned a POA? If so, that person has a responsibility to him. Main thing, make sure his bills are paid. They do not have to care for him, but they do have a moral obligation to make sure he is safe and fed.

If Dad is not capable of paying his bills then he should not be living alone.

Yes, Mary. You have written us many times.
Do know, you did your best here.
Your help was requested.
You asked the house be made presentable.
I think the thing you need to know is that your idea of clean and his will differ greatly. You know he isn't well, and not entirely in his right mind.

You were there anyway, and you helped anyway, and I applaud you for that.
If you cannot bear to go anymore let him know that. Perhaps discuss with APS if he needs a fiduciary appointed to help him with his bills.

Hope all is otherwise well with you and you are progressing on trying to create for yourself a quality satisfying life.

Have him hire a house cleaner that comes in once a week and does laundry , dishes, etc. Find him Certified Public accountant for the future . Make boundaries otherwise he will become More dependent On you and you will be tearing your hair Out .

Maybe I'm missing something here, but your profile says that your father is only 50 years old, so why is he needing any help at all? And why does it have to be you if in fact he does need "said help?"
Everyone's idea of a "clean" house will vary, and apparently your father's idea of one is very different than yours, so if you can't handle it, then you have the right not to go. And I can only guess that your reasons for not wanting to go help your father is way beyond his dirty house right?
None of us get to choose our parents or family, but we do get to choose how we want to live and enjoy our lives, so I do hope that you are getting help for your depression and are learning how to move forward in life in a more positive and healthy manner.

We don't get to choose our family but we do get to choose how much or little contact we have with them. You should have 0 contact with this man. Call and report him to APS.

APS will take care of him. They will remove him from the filth and get him cleaned up and transitioned into a facility where he will be protected, be fed, get medical help, have his affairs managed and get social interaction with others. You cannot give this to him, ever, no matter how hard you try. Remove yourself completely from this situation so that he can be helped by capable parties.

I know you've posted other questions on this forum and each time it is pointed out to you to have boundaries. Please find and keep healthy boundaries. Get counseling for yourself. If you post this same thing again then you must enjoy being used. You are in control. You have a life that needs to be lived and only you can make that happen. Block his number and/or change yours.

So when you saw the place was disgusting, why not leave right then? My mentally unwell sibling is a hoarder and slob who chooses to live in filth. I equally choose not to visit his home. Please read and understand Boundaries. If your chosen boundary is a clean environment, then you never enter an unclean one, period, no exceptions or explanations needed. I wish you peace

You should have walked out when you found that he lied about cleaning up.

Now you know beyond a shadow of a doubt he’s a liar and a user.

I’d cut off contact, wait a couple of weeks, and contact APS.

Is he really only 50? This could go on for another 40+ years so you need to escape this situation now.