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Mom lives alone, is 90, doesn't walk well so uses a walker (most of the time.)



She's fallen a few times. Has medical alert, the wristband, which worked well until about 6 months ago when she fell & passed out, so didn't press the button.



So we got the medical alert upgrade, the pendant, to NOTICE when she falls.



Well she's accidentally triggered it 4 or 5 times. She has the medical alert box in her bedroom, plus a phone w/answering machine in the bedroom and another phone in the living room.



When it goes off and they call her through the box or phone, she usually doesn't answer. Says she doesn't hear it. Doesn't want to check her voice messages, though she will respond if she hears one of my sisters hollering at her through the speaker.



My sisters and I think it's a combination of things - her hearing is getting worse, she doesn't move very fast, and she just doesn't care anymore.



Both of my sisters live within 10 minutes of her (I live a couple of hours away), but we're hoping there are better options. My husband was thinking of something like a two-way radio; but even if that's a good idea, I don't know if she could learn how to use it, or WOULD.



We hate to move her out of her home just because she won't answer the phone, but we're kind of at our wit's end. There are other signs too, that she doesn't care or doesn't remember. Will wet her bed, then just hang the wet pad and wet nightgown up to try - doesn't care that they're dirty. She used to eat cereal in the morning, and now she doesn't. We think it's too much work for her to go back & forth to get the milk, get the cereal, get the bowl, etc using her walker.



Anyway - any suggestions?



Thank you SOOO much.

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She needs memory care now. She is no longer safe. Part of her lack of hearing may now be an inability to process words.
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Update: last week my sister took Mom to a Breakfast Club at a senior day center. Mom didn't wanna go, she had a hard time trudging into the meeting room with her walker, had to stop a few times to rest.

Afterwards, said she was worn out but would be willing to go back.

TODAY - Mom had no problem going in, had enough energy to to not even slow down with her walker.

Enjoyed visiting. Was excited to have turkey for lunch. Decided to stay for bingo (didn't mind at all if my sister left her there for a couple of hours) and won a prize.

One of the ladies there commented that mom was probably the oldest person there that day, but also the sharpest!

She was animated and talking in the car on the way home too.

I'm so glad she had a good day; at least for now we'll take her there more often.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 21, 2023
Wonderful! I tried to get my mom to participate at our senior center. She refused to attend.

There are many activities in senior centers that provide seniors with socialization.
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There are cameras that you can put in place so that you can see what she is doing and how she is.
You can view on your phone. I am sure that your siblings can be linked in as well.
I have recently found out that if you have "Alexa" you can "drop in" on someone that also has Alexa. This might be a way for you to communicate, she does not have to answer the phone just talk.
You say you do not want to move her out of the house "just because she won't answer the phone" but it is much more than that.
She is falling,
She does not hear well
She does not always use a walker.
She may not be eating properly
Her hygiene is not as it should be
What other ADL's might she be having trouble with.
This is more than ...she won't answer the phone.
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"Just because she won't/can't answer the phone"?

Do you think not washing urine soaked sheets and nighties is okay?

Is she washing her hands?

Could she get out in a fire? Or would she "not care"?

It's not that she doesn't care. It's that her brain has stopped processing the steps she needs to do, in what order to accomplish tasks.

She needs either full time in home care supervision or to be in a facility. Finances usually dictate that choice.

Good luck!
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My assessment:
1) She should not be living alone now. Period.
2) Sisters, living 10 m away take turns to stay overnight,
along with
3) getting overnight care providers.

This is a/nother accident waiting to happen.

Gena / Touch Matters
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MACinCT Nov 26, 2023
I agree. De Nile is no longer just a river
(2)
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Your 90 y/o mother is no longer safe to live alone and she's giving you all the signs! She is not eating, hanging up urine soaked garments and pads to dry, has hearing issues, cannot answer the phone, has mobility issues and uses a walker...what good is a two-way radio for a compromised elder who needs 24/7 care???? She's falling and passing out even, but you "hate to move her out of her home just because she won't answer the phone." OP, your poor mother has a host of issues WAY more serious going on than not being able to answer the phone!

She needs care 24/7, whether that comes from her children or she's moved into Assisted Living or Memory Care Assisted Living depending on her level of cognitive impairment. Please address this matter before a life threatening crisis occurs and it's too late to save her life.
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mom had a iphone. I got the Mint Mobile plane 15 bucks a month. I also got a stand up charger and zip tied the phone to it. iPhone has a feature where you can set it to auto answer and also only people in her contact list will autoanswer. Now when i call mom, the phone will ring and announce it is me, when i see it has answered I just start talking “HI MOM, this is….” We also got her an Echo Show from Amazon so I can drop in and see her and she can see me. We put cameras around (blink) and I was pleased to see her normal routine is quite pleasant, she washes dishes, drinks water, takes naps, straightens up and watches the tv that I leave on all the time. One time she was on the floor and I was getting a lot of notifications. When I looked and saw what happened, she dropped something and when she went down to pick it up, she could not get back up! That was a relief because she really didn’t remember how she got on the floor, she just knew she could not get up. I was able to see what happened, drop in and talk to her to see if she was okay and then scoot over to help her. She thinks the cameras are speakers for the phone and Echo Show. I have them in a place that gives her privacy but allows me peace of mind. When you call and the auto answer activates, you will have to disconnect when the call is over. Mom has no ability to disconnect or answer the phone.
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Christine44 Nov 26, 2023
You write: "she dropped something and when she went down to pick it up, she could not get back up!" I'll risk saying the obvious but here goes: you know what "grabbers" are, right? Of course, they take some getting used to, and if it's anything large-sized they won't work. And then you have to find the best model you can. But I now have two of them placed strategically in various places. Even if one doesn't fall picking something up, they can save a lot of wear and tear on the back/bending over, etc.
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Cognitive issues for sure.
She needs to be in full-time care.

About a device, you could get her a smartwatch. My Apple Watch has a feature that registers a hard fall. It then makes sure I’m okay. It can notify 911 if I’m not. However, your mom probably wouldn’t be able to understand or use it. She might not realize that she must faithfully charge it and then put it on correctly. And it isn’t infallible. There are times when it hasn’t responded to a hard fall at all.

Good luck with getting mom the help she needs.
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This very situation is often the 'end deal'. IOf our aging parents can't/won't respond to the in home safety measures we set up for them, they are going to lose the privilege of living independently.

Mom had a fall pendant for years. She was about 80% compliant in using it, but uf it smacked against her walker (frequently) it would go off. Luckily her hearing was fine and she could communicate with the dispatcher.

The day she died, no one was home. She got up, and fell back down on the bed. That alarm went off and notified YB who was at church. He ran back home and found her. Better than one of the 'kids' wandering in and finding her, gone.

My MIL has thrown away every single alert pendant, watch, button, whatever. She sets them off by smacking them on the wall or counter top, is almost 100% deaf and cannot hear the 'squawk box'--so more than once, my Dh and his YS have shown up same time as the EMT's. They're preparing to break a window to get in b/c she doesn't come to the door--and when one of the kids unlocks the door, she is inevitably shocked to see all these people there.

Embarassed, she threw away THAT pendant and everything they've given her since. Her pride will truly go before the fall.

End of story? You CANNOT make someone wear their fall pendant. Period.

I'm sorry to say, but that, and the fact she is undisturbed by the wet clothing--she's probably ready for in home help or a move to a NH.
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What about RING cameras in her place that is what we had to do for my BIL it lets us watch and talk over the camera to him. Because he had the habit of not hanging up the phone.

Prayers
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