Are we able to request a specific aide in an AL not assist our loved one? She is distant and not very willing to assist w help, just cues.

Is it possible that the aides want him to continue helping himself so that he’ll maintain muscles that will keep him more independent? Use it or lose it philosophy?

I think that a visit with the administration of your particular facility is in order, S.
You tell us in response below that some aids are refusing help because he is placed in AL and should be able to do these things.
However, ALF have a level of care, usually I through IV or I-V that designates specifically on a care plan what he/she may need help with.
I think you need to work with them on care plan and also discuss what this aid has said. You need to get straight what you can expect for your loved one.
I sure wish you the best of luck. It may be that a higher level of care is required, or that placement in ALF is no longer appropriate. It may be that there is not a good care plan designating needs or it may be unwillingness of workers.
Whatever it is it is time to get it straight where it matters and that's the administration.
Please do update us.
Do know that an ALF is a private and privately owned place; the rules are individual to the specific facility and not dictated by any state wide rules and regulations. Specifics should have been given you regarding all of this on admission. It may have been given to your loved one and is tucked away somewhere you can't access.
Good luckl!

This is something to discuss with the director of the AL. If there is a specific aide refusing to provide the expected level of help, you should be able to request that one person not be involved in his care. If it is several aides, it becomes more problematic as it limits the available pool of help. Ask if his level of cooperation is an issue or if his needs remain appropriate for what’s expected at AL. There’s always the possibility of his needs increasing. When my mother was in a nursing home, she couldn’t stand one CNA, was openly fearful of her. We requested and got this person to never be involved in mom’s care. Soon, the CNA quit and left. Seemed mom knew something. It was the only time it happened. Wish you the best in figuring this out

You can request to not have a specific caregiver go in a room .

Your LO is not mostly doing everything for himself if he needs help with walking, getting up , showers , and going to the bathroom .

Also is this what he tells you ? Or have you witnessed the aides standing there just directing and not assisting, when he wants to be assisted ? The reason I ask is because this scenario doesn’t make sense.

You say that your LO gets frustrated and rude and the aides complain that it takes too long to potty him .

Usually If the aide feels it’s taking too long they will try to assist the resident to make the process go faster. The aides would not just stand there. Some residents then will get frustrated ( possibly rude ) that they are being rushed and want to be permitted to do certain things without assistance.

Usually If the aides are complaining it takes too long to potty someone , yet they are not assisting him to make the process go faster , it’s more likely that the resident is wanting to maintain as much independence as he can and is not allowing them to assist him more , resulting in the process taking longer.

It does not make sense for the aide to refuse to assist , if they want to finish up the process faster . But by all means if the scenario you described is happening, request that these aides not go in the room .

Also in AL it’s always been my experience that a resident is to be a one person assist to stand , walk , transfer on and off the toilet . Is it possible that he is needing two people in order to do this now ? If so he may need SNF to have his needs met. Ask the director .