Are showtiming and sundowning related?

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Are showtiming and sundowning related?

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I am noticing that sundowning is worse in my husband on days when he has showtimed a lot. He puts on the show for others when he has to, and then crashes when we are alone and is a complete mess that evening.

Example: Since dad passed, we have had a lot of meetings with a financial planner. He is all perky and bubbly and friendly, the star of the show, Mr. Social, at the two-hour meetings. By the time we get home, he's mean and nasty and unreasonable. It wears him out to be so social for that long and I do think it causes him to be worse in the evening.

I guess I'm wondering if this is common, if others have experienced the same thing.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Behavior Change Dementia Behaviors Sundowner's Syndrome

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I find that people who are task-oriented, as compared to people-oriented, tend to feel more fatigued after an intense session of "people time." I also find that introverts are more fatigued after having to deal with a larger group of people in 1 session. Your husband may fall into one of these categories. If so, he is only showing fatigue expected from acting counter to his personality. It might be easier to plan for shorter meetings with smaller groups. This might lead to less showboating and the subsequent fatigue and crabbiness.

Sundown Syndrome is characterized by increased confusion, agitation, and occasionally aggression in the late afternoon and evening. For Sundown Syndrome, it helps to have more lighting, simple routines/environments, and occasionally anti-anxiety medications to calm agitation.

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Reply to Taarna

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Oh my goodness!!! That’s what my mother is doing and I didn’t know it had an actual name. Thank you for sharing!!

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Reply to Agingdaughter72

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graygrammie: I think that you've struck on something and are absolutely correct on the correlation between showtiming and sundowning. It must take a TON of energy for your DH to project that perfect persona.

A little off topic, but many would say to me "There's nothing wrong with your mother. She's dressed in nice clothing with her hair done." My reply "My mother has wet AMD and the resulting legally blind status, incontinence, CHF, Atrial fibrillation and her blood pressure is 60/40. That is why I put my life on pause, having had to move in with her." My mother was able to fool a lot of people, herself not among them.

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Reply to Llamalover47

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And you probably had to help her get into that nice clothing (my husband often puts on his sweater upside down, he starts pullovers from the neck, and puts shoes on the wrong feet) and help her with her personal care (my dh showers fine at home on his own because the stall is familiar, but I have to help him when we travel because he can barely see without his glasses). My husband also has CHF, AFib, and low blood pressure, but not as low as your mom's -- How does she even survive with BP that low? I keep saying the heart issues will take him before Memory Care is needed. I hope I am right.

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I'd actually never heard of showtiming before this but have seen it in action, even if it's only being quiet, passive, and smiling while people are here. I can't remember if on those day's sundowning was worse or not but it would make total sense if they were related. Even if it's only us that gets tired with company and worry more and that is what's being picked up thus causing more severe sundowning. It'd be worth some research for sure.
At times I thought that there was a relationship between weather changes, espcially storms coming in, and more severe sundowning with my spouse. But again maybe she was just picking up on my different feelings.

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Reply to AleXpreso

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Anybody Who had children? How did you apply that during the trying times.

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Reply to AdVinn

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This is the first I’ve heard the term “show timing” and it really struck home for me. My husband has advance Parkinson’s and he can gather energy and perform well in a social setting, then crash later. I don’t think he’s sundowning yet and isn’t nasty, just very exhausted. I will be more cognizant of this situation and try to conserve his mental energy in future.

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Reply to JLLand

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You are absolutely right. Showtiming is right on with sundowning. The punctuation from family is, "well what we see is...." I have taken care of my mom for almost a year, she went back home (with a caregiver) ended up having to take her another 3 months this year. Nothing has changed. Showtiming and Sundowing are truly related. Seen it all the time. And guess who doesnt sleep at night? Or have to deal with the nastiness. Yup! you got it.

My daughter and her family were here visiting for a week. At first Mom was so thrilled to have the extra company, by their last night, at our last dinner together, they witnessed her nastiness and the mean things she said to me. Brought me to tears, (which is no easy feat,) Ha!

Hang in there. You are not alone and what you are experiencing, unfortunately is real.

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Reply to annaTT

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We'll be having a daughter spend a week with us while we go to dad's house to deal with things since he passed in Feb. I'm glad she wants to join us, but I know her father will probably be in meltdown state by day 3. He can only be nice for so long and then the crash happens. Sadly, after several years of alienation from us, she has taken steps of welcoming us back into her life, and I'm hoping this isn't a big step backward. Her note to me at my birthday last year said, "I hate what Dad has done to us. I miss you so much and wish we could just be together again like we used to be." The reaction to her dad was so drastic that they moved ten hours away. The fact that she wants to come with us to my dad's home is so helpful for me but I'm so worried about her father's behavior and hope it doesn't destroy the things that have only recently been gained.

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I think you are exactly right. My mom has been gone for a year now and I find that I am still learning about the time I was her caregiver. Although, her doctors realized she was showtiming, family often did not. This led to some disagreements as family members did not believe her condition as serious as I knew it to be. I also knew that after a family visit, especially a long one, our sundowning would be terrible. Although I never connected the two, I found myself dreading visits because I knew I was going to have a terrible night and the next conversations with the family were going to be punctuated with “Well, when we visited….”

I do believe you are very correct that these two are connected. I also really like the term “cognitive fatigue.”

Good luck with everything. Know that you are doing a wonderful job. And remember that you are not alone.

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Reply to CoffeePaula

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Yes! Exactly! He fools his golf buddies, his family, his doctors, our financial planner. They all think he's just fine. I especially need the financial planner to understand and I've written privately, but he just doesn't get it. He's encouraging us to go on a long vacation. No way!

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Seems you have found a link. Makes complete sense to me. All that energy to hold it together socialially, then drop his bundle once home/with you, (the safe person).

* cognitive fatigue * I would call it

An OT described having a set amount of energy during a day. This was for physical fatigue, eg chemo or long covid but I think it could easily apply for mental fatigue too. When you use up your supply of mental energy, well it's gone. Only a good night's sleep (or more) can hope to restore it.

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Reply to Beatty

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Yep! Thank you!

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GG,

As you may remember, I have a chronic illness.

When I have to be “on”, I have to be really careful not to “over-do”.

If I DO “overdo”, I can trigger a flare that ends me in bed for days. It takes me extra energy to then be of good cheer for my family. Since I really don’t have that energy, I have to fake it.

I’m guessing that with his FTD, he can’t pace himself. He can’t consciously conserve his brain/body energy.

Unfortunately, this means that YOU are left with a man who can’t consciously make the effort it takes to be kind and considerate, after he has expended all his energy. He can’t fake the good cheer.

I’m so sorry, my friend.

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Reply to cxmoody

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Makes sense.

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Yes, I think showtiming tires the brain and so sundowning would be worse.

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Reply to JoAnn29

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Showtiming is "performing" and sundowning is becoming confused later in the day, which is how it got dubbed "sundowning.

People say that some elders can confabulate enough to fool doctors and strangers that they are completely normal, when really they aren't. That's how that one got labeled as performing for strangers and hence "showtiming".

And yeah, sounds like you have a "showtimer" who is exhausting himself with performing so that in evenings he is extra cranky with the sundown effect. Great, huh? Two for one! I surely do think they can end up related in this manner GG.

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Reply to AlvaDeer

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Are showtiming and sundowning related?

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