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Gershun,
I am sorry to hear about your brother. I will put you and your brother in my prayers.


Hugs!!
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Gershun, it's torment, I'm so sorry.

Where there's life there's hope, and where there's PEG feeding and skilled nursing and occupational therapists there is hope that your brother could, over time, actually end up in a better physical and mental condition than he's experienced for many years.

I don't mean to minimise how horrible this is while it lasts, but keep your chin up.

Plus, he's got you. That's not nothing. Hugs.
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Hugs, Gershun, praying for you and your brother.
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My poor brother is on my mind tonight. He suffered a brain aneurysm a couple of months ago and has been hospitalized ever since. A meeting was held at the hospital today and the outlook does not look good for him. He has not been able to swallow or speak above a whisper since this injury and the prognosis is that chances are low that he will ever get these abilities back. A long term care facility is in the future most likely.Diagnosed with Schizophrenia in his late teens, early twenties he has had a very difficult life. He was recently a crystal meth addict and was living in a halfway house previous to his aneurysm.

This diagnosis is devastating. All he has done the last three weeks is plead for food. He has tried swallowing water, mouth wash etc. which went straight to his lungs. He can't seem to grasp the danger he is putting himself in every time he tries to eat or drink anything. If the swallowing thing is permanent they would need to put him in a facility where he would need to be restrained so as not to aspirate when he tries to feed himself. He has always been a restless soul and I can't foresee him cooperating in that type of environment so what the future holds for him is bleak either way I look at it.

For those of you who do call yourself believers please send up some prayers for him.
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Worried, you might like (I'm not sure you'll like, but I hope you will!) "Homeless clamping" from The Day Today. Google it - it's on Twitter and YouTube, the usual.

Rough sleeping and homelessness have been a serious and intractable problem to my certain knowledge since the 80s but I agree that the organised camps have emerged as a new phase in it. Well - I say new. Nothing is ever really new, it's just that the locations (and the main causes) shift and then we notice.

My daughter lives in a culturally progressive city on the South Coast - it's run by Greens* (politically speaking, I mean) and prides itself on its civic inclusiveness. Recently there has been unrest because the drug addicts, alcoholics (not sure that's a real distinction, actually), former prisoners and neglected mentally ill people (ditto) have set up camp outside Waitrose, causing unheard-of inconvenience to exactly that section of the consumer society which finds it hardest to step over them. Clever placement!

Anyone got any suggestions about what to do? I'm sure Brighton & Hove Council would be very grateful.

* Correction: it is not run by Greens at the moment. The Labour party is in control of a minority administration - 20 Labour councillors, 19 Greens, 15 others.
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Just don't refer to the City as "Frisco"
you'll get your head bit off by the real San Franciscoans

an old tale from the Irish side of the family that had roots there was that after a wake all the men took the deceased on a cable car for his last ride 😆
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Worriedincali, Sounds like your in Nor Cal. What city 2 hours from?
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Homelessness is becoming a real epidemic across the US. And your cousins tale doesn’t surprise me at all-there are cities in this wonderful state of California that cater to the homeless and provide lots of handouts, my city is the hub for the homeless in this county. In fact nearby cities send their homeless here via the bus! They give them a bus pass, I kid you not! We have tent cities popping up all over—off the 101 freeway, on overpasses, in green belts. There was even a “city” that had a “mayor” and an elaborate running water set up (stealing water either from the shopping center the “city” was behind or from nearby residents. My husband was part of the team that had to go in and shut them down and clear the “city” out. Apparently the cops were getting regular complaints from residents of this “city” LOL! Because the “mayor” was trying to charge them for the water, and the residents were always fighting with each other. Sad to say, it’s a way of life in this city. We have one particular area that is nothing but tents. A lot of the people are totally content living that way, there is a health center with showers and toilets in the center of it all. And a meal kitchen. The city has to pay for monthly cleanups because.....the homeless accumulate so much trash and leave drug paraphernia and human waste everywhere. The bleeding hearts think the clean ups are horrible! Can you believe it? The city has to give advanced warning and they don’t just throw peoples stuff away either, if you ignore the warning and leave your stuff there, it is collected and stored for like a month, for free, it’s not like they can’t get it back.... but apparently the bleeding hearts would rather see the trash and human waste continue to accumulate. Who cares about the public health hazard? It’s inhumane to clean their mess but not inhumane to let them live IN the mess. I don’t get it. We even had an entire city block taken over by RVs at one point. It’s really out of hand.

San Francisco is terrible, I don’t deny it. We are about 2 hours south of the city & spent a few days there for our 10 year wedding anniversary in 2017. We hadn’t been there in 5-6 years and I was appalled at what I saw. Homeless people all over union square, relieving themselves in public. Pee every where. The smell. My god the smell. Human urine and weed mixed together is quite unpleasant.

i fear the entire state will become just like SF and my city now that Newsome is in charge. He really did SF no favors.
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worriedinCali - I'm not surprised. The news is that people from other states move to California cities that are accommodating to homeless people. I should know. One of my own cousins lives in her car. She bought a car that was just long enough to fit a little mattress to sleep on. She tells me what cities are best to stay in and get free stuff.

I haven't heard other states having homeless problems but I guess any big cities probably do. New York comes to mind.
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Polarbear you do realize you just described many American cities right? San Francisco is not just home to the homeless & streets filled with human waste......that sad situation is plaguing cities all over this country. Mine included.
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Safe Travels Can’t Dance.
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Bond. James Bond.
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My bags are packed and waiting for me to put them in the car. In less than an hour I'll be on the road for a 4-hour drive to visit Mom in memory care. Mom: 93, a demented, narcissistic, miserable chronic complainer with a toxic personality. I'm sipping the dregs of my decaf, trying to make it last. If I were a drinking woman, I'd be ....... sober, but wishing I wasn't!

I'm okay but feeling edgy. I've trimmed down my visits to the absolute bare minimum to preserve health and sanity. Others have stepped up their help. It's been 2 months since my last visit, the longest since I began my remote care-giving journey. I've discovered the further apart the visits are, the harder it's become to actually go. It's been lovely to have focused on my own needs, my own health for the past 8 weeks. But even I, Ms. Low Contact, has to stir herself now and again to take Mom to a doctor appt.

Asking all well-wishers to send good vibes in my direction, reminding me to hold my tongue, to be the Picture of Patience, to remember the brain is broken. To be kind. Assume and maintain Grey Rock. To remember I cannot change Mom; I can only change myself. All the advice I've dispensed here to those in similar circumstances. My actual face-to-face visit will encompass 4 or 5 hours, max. Just about all I can manage. That is, unless Mom's doctor's appointment requires an extended stay for ...... whatever.

Thanks to all of you. What would I do without you? You have been my strength when my bucket was empty. Keep it coming!
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Since I have nothing better to do I did a little checking. Wikpedia knows all...
Rice a Roni was invented by the second generation of an Italian American pasta company that was based in San Francisco. It was bought by Quaker Oats in 1986 and Pepsico bought Quaker in 2001.
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MM - Rice a Roni is just brand name for a type of flavored microwavable rice in a box, sort of like macaroni in a box. It's really nothing fancy. You can get a box for $0.99. The company (owned by Pepsi) tries to make it sound better by attaching the name San Francisco.

If I were in charge of their marketing, I would drop the name SF in their ads. If you follow the news, you'll know SF is now the home of homeless people and human waste littered everywhere on the streets.

Why is it SF treat? According to google, it was invented in Northwestern US.
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Why is Rice a Roni the San Francisco treat ?
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I would find postings like this

"group dynamics foster the phenomenon of scapegoating. there will always be another 'troll' if there is a scapegoating mentality. let's try to not foster one, and let's not be so quick to label people as 'trolls' simply because our views are different from theirs"

much more comforting if the same member was not also making postings like

"yes, evil is a matter of heart. However, the NRA has people convinced that gun control is a terrible thing. Why is it a terrible thing? How many more innocent men, women, and yes, children have to massacred before we adopt sensible gun control laws. And if it makes you feel any better, then yes by all means let's ban spoons and forks because a mass murder can take out as many innocent victims just as quickly with a spoon and fork as he/she could with a gun. right? I know this post will get no likes but I'm not here to be liked, if I wanted to be liked I'd be talking about the virtues of Lou Dobbs, Fox news, and the local church picnic next Sunday."

In any mutually supportive forum, we cannot attack those with differing views as either "trolls" or evil and uncaring. Neither can we go on to add that characterization not just to people who differ with us over an issue but to anyone who watches/reads a particular news agency or likes church picnics and maybe (by implication) attends church and consider themselves religious.

AC is about care giving. We come from all walks of life with very different life experiences. Some of have lived all our lives in rural areas; some in cities both large and small; many have lives that include both experiences. Some of us are better off financially than others but it appears most of us have endured financial hardship at least during some period of our lives. We include the very religious, the spiritual, and the unbelievers as well as liberal progressives, libertarians, physical conservatives, die hard conservatives and all the possible mixtures.

We ALL CARE about CARE GIVING. Very occasionally someone who is not really concerned about care giving makes their way onto this forum, sometimes they even cause some problems for a while but that is not the norm and does not include most members and posters on this site. Most people are here to learn about care giving and to share their care giving knowledge and experience with others in a effort to "pass it forward".

Sometimes our religious or politic leanings become relevant to a discussion but no one who steps up to become a care giver for another human being deserves to be labeled as "evil" or uncaring. So I asking everyone to please reflect on our care giver membership, particularly when posting about issues that passionately concern you, and consider leaving off the personal derogatory phases and characterizations.
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Happy Father's Day to all the caring dads out there. Fathers are important. Have fun BBQ-ing, relaxing, watching sports, etc. You deserve it.
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I'm very sorry that you've got that impression, Mikki. I've been a member of the forum for - oo dear, far too long really - and feel safer talking through my issues (more than Vogue, as they say) here than I do in real life.

I also get far more sensible and open-minded answers.

Sometimes responses to OPs are hilariously wide of the mark (it's hilarious if you've got that sort of sense of humour, anyway), sometimes they tell home truths a bit too bluntly, and sometimes when they're badly misjudged it's because the OP has neglected to mention some vital piece of information, such as that they're paraplegic or live in Baghdad.

I don't think I've ever called anyone a troll, though I have reported suspected imposters, sales reps, agitators and the occasional - oh Good Lord! - sexual deviant to the moderators. I have also received my fair share of offensive private messages, but the Delete button takes care of those so easily.

I always regret it when members fall out among themselves, but I regret it even more if it's putting people off joining in the discussions.
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It is sad that people can't feel safe here to ask or answer questions!
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We took Mom to Aunts today for an open ended visit ( up to 2 weeks if all goes well) So hubs and I are empty nesters for a bit.. how exciting!! Uh,, all I managed to do once we got home was play with the pupper and do my nails. Maybe that's what is meant to be today! We did eat a nice lunch out.. Hopefully I'll have more energy tomorrow, DD is coming over for fathers day dinner.
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whenever we get frustrated with her, my mom says " one mother can take care of three children but three children can't take care of one mother"
We try our best, well, at least two of us do anyway
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Thanks for that quote, smeshque.  A friend healing from the past will love it too.

My son is here for the week, and yesterday helped with Aunt Rose's ashes atop Mt. Washington.  We're enjoying his company, getting rest (he's cooking and cleaning) and slowly catching up on a few things. 

On my mind?   There IS life after Caregiving!
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On my mind: a black out Sudoku game that I'm trying to solve for several days now.
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“Never be defined by what has happened to you in the past, it was just a life lesson, not a life sentence. ~


Donald Pillai”
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On my mind.....
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Fudge, tracking package.....
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What I hate is when people start calling out trolls (or people they perceive to be trolls, because sometimes they are wrong) on a thread, it's like feeding frenzy at the shark tank. Either walk away or PM the moderators, don't get into a pi$$ing match on the forum.
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The troll is gone, taken care of by the admins.

Those who are left behind must not be trolls, I am guessing.

Maybe I won't mention trolls anymore, if people start to think it is them!
It has been fun.
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It was so precious, Lu. I am so glad he was blessed with that moment. They say people call him harmonica Pete.
If only we could see more special things like that, well of course we would be crying all the time, but our hearts would be smiling. :)
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