What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?

My wife has Alzheimer's..............I feel so sorry for her and do all I can to keep her entertained and involved. When I think to get in-home or consider other options so I can have a life, guilt sets in. My kids (not hers)& grandkids live out of state and my brothers who live in state all pressure me to do something and spend more time with them. I would love to, but she really has no options other than me. I get upset at times wishing I could enjoy the outdoors and hobbies again, but get over it. The pressure from family is the worst,

One of the worst things about this is the true inability to talk about it and to just be “heard”. I’m not asking for advice from people who cannot step in to help. Sometimes I just want and need a friendly ear. And it is entirely UNHELPFUL to be told to “walk away”. Some balls simply cannot be dropped. That’s the worst…

Thank you

Recently I would say that having to “manage the care” a facility that costs $6000 a month seems wrong. One might think giving basic care would be a given.

I’m really tired of having other people in my house. Even the ones I like, like the respite caregiver. I imagine it sounds weird and spoiled, but I just miss having our house exactly the way we want it, and being able to act however we want when we’re home.

I miss me. I miss my mom. The woman she has become is someone who mean, selfish and approaches life like 'Mommy Dearest' where nothing is ever good enough. Mom is 84. 'Moderate' lewy body dementia per the 15 minute visit with the doctor. Add mobility issues, cardiac issues and incontinence. And a hoarder for the last 60 years. I 'temporarily' came to stay in her home when she came home from hospital/rehab stay. That was 18 months ago. I am still paying rent/electric on my place as my husband and daughter are still there until there is space here. Trying to clear mom's house of 60 years of hoard that was organized into hundreds of small boxes. Two 30yd dumpsters later, i am still cleaning shit out. My oldest sister will come for a few days as she lives on the east coast, six states away. My brother is in a rehab facility for peripheral neuropathy. My sister that lived in town passed from cancer in May 2023. Julie's death seemed to accerate everything.
Mostly i hate watching Mom slip away every day and be replaced by someone i dont know.

I hate being the house "slave". I am trying to work full-time from home and I must get up AT LEAST 75 to 100 times a day from my desk. Today I woke up early because my dad wanted breakfast before golf came on this morning. I am exhausted and I need to put in a 9-hour day of work today which turns into 15 hours because of the constant interruptions. FML :(

The fact that my wife and I had to change our entire lives right after we got married. Also, the lack of support from family. My brother in law and his wife rarely help at all. They just took a trip to Scotland and are planning a trip to Japan - meanwhile, my wife and I are babysitting her mom all day.

I’m 35, single, only child. Caring for a mother who is 58, married to a man who does less than the bare minimum and thinks he’s husband of the year. She’s blind, can’t walk due to a stroke, has 4 autoimmune diseases, diabetes, bedsores that the local hospital let her get, kidney disease, she’s on home dialysis which I administer to her every single day, has an ostomy bag, and she’s prone to getting c-diff and other intestinal infections. I sometimes feel immense guilt because I feel like my life is passing me by and I am resentful. I take care of the house, pets, and my Mom 24/7. My car is the only car in our family so sometimes I can’t use it to go do something for myself because my stepdad will have my car while at work. I can’t work because of my home responsibilities. I can’t even go out to a movie or dinner with friends or date because I am the only one trained to give her dialysis and my step-dad isn’t helpful and tends to ignore her in favor of running outside to sit on the patio and smoke while listening to music. I do EVERYTHING. I felt obligated to care for her after her health declined in 2019. If I didn’t, who would? She and I have both dealt with thoughts of self harm due to everything going on. At one point she spent a year and a half in and out of hospitals and rehabs because she would skip dialysis for weeks at a time and would get so sick she would become septic and comatose. It started taking her 7 days or longer to “wake up” after she slipped into that non responsive state. She would do this because she felt like a burden and like her husband can’t wait for her to die so he can be free. Myself, due to her husband being verbally abusive to me, and seeing my Mom just refusing to cooperate and causing so much unnecessary stress on me. From December 2021 to July 2023 she spent a total of maybe 2 accumulative months at home. Everything else was in a hospital because of her doing. We also moved across the country in 2020 so I missed home and everyone there. All of these things caused me to eventually create a plan to end my life in late 2022/early 2023. I feel resentment towards my Mom for all of the stress she has caused me, all the fear, the physical and mental health issues she has caused me, for taking my life away (she didn’t. I chose to be her caregiver out of sheer obligation, but in my anger, it sometimes feels this way). She and I have a lot of past experiences that are unresolved and I still hold onto because of the pain she caused me after my Dad passed away when I was 17. So a lot of that past trauma seeps into my mental state as her caregiver. Sometimes it feels like a thankless, endless, 24/7, living nightmare where I am at her beck and call. I get little sleep because she requires attention and assistance at all hours. From needing food and drink, her ostomy emptied or changed, bedding, clothing and bandage changes when her ostomy leaks (which is FREQUENTLY), needing her dialysis, needing medication, needing the channel changed, needing to ask the time or a question, needing extra blankets, needing help bathing or dressing, etc. I love her more than anything and I would give anything for her. She is my rock and my biggest supporter. But sometimes I feel like her assistant or maid. I sit and wonder why me? Why her? Why us? When will we catch a break and live a calm life with no stress or issues? Will I be in this funk or rut for the rest of her life? I get so angry at her sometimes and I yell out of frustration. I feel like it’s because of all the times she yelled at me as a child over trivial things, and that’s how I know how to process my anger. Yelling at someone. She’s so weak and frail and apologetic and then I feel like a terrible person and an even worse daughter. It makes me cry and hate myself. I feel like I willingly gave my prime years away to care for her and I will never get them back. It weighs on me so heavily. But hugging her and hearing her say “I love you” makes it all go away.

People who screw over the ones who cared for their elderly LOs. I think there's a special place in H3LL for them. They better pack their bags, 'cause they're going there. Bon voyage!

The "slammies..." Our LO gets so angry when she's unable to understand or when she thinks we just don't get it... she gets terribly mad and slams things.

Im caregiver my mom91 she don't ask for much she really don't talk much mist of the time but she's getting where she can't get around much she don't want ti move in with any body .good mom but I feel so trapped at times been here 1 year and 6 months can't even go to store until some one comes up got two sisters that comes once or twice week im about to go crazy but I love my my mom feels like it's all on me don't see no change any time soon and I resent my sister's and brother's because they free to do what ever they want have 3 brothers and two sisters im I wrong to think like this I feel guilty im 71 and my health is not all that good eather