87-year-old dad and chemo?

I think the reason the docs are pushing hard is because of the aggressive nature of the returned cancer, that if he does want chemo he needs to jump on it asap for his "best chances". I don't think they have any other ulterior motives.

I watched my FIL go through chemo for pancreatic cancer for 2 years starting when he was 70 yrs old. ugh. I'm so sorry for your situation. As others here have reminded us, no one gets to stay here forever. 87 years is a good run. May you both have peace in your hearts with whatever decision is made.

I will give you my own instance.
I am 81, facing down my second cancer of the breast. First was age 47. Fought it with everything I could throw at it and got 35 great years. Have second tumor now, and just had it removed. Refused to allow nodes taken as my best chance at another year or so of gardening fun is no lymphedema. And because I don't care what they show. Any spread will not be treated. Tumors lopped off is great. No chemo. No radiation. I am ready to go when it's time and have honestly no guts, as a retired RN, to face down old age. I have had a good life. I don't fear death. I do fear torture.

Let your Dad make the best decision for himself. If he is ready to go then get the best of palliative and hospice care and support his decision for his own good. If he wants to fight then support that so long as he wishes to do it. This is his decision for what is surely for him and for me, inevitably closing in on the ends of our own lives. Like your dad I have a DD who knows and understands my wishes, and a partner who feels the same. My medical team is aware and has scanned my wishes/plans into my chart. I am ready for Palliative, Hospice, MAiD in that order, and am very thankful for the wonderful life I have had. I have been very lucky. I've nothing to kick about.

That's me. Let your Dad make his careful decisions for himself. My heart goes out to him and to you as well.

I would ask to speak with someone from hospice or palliative care. At 87 (my age) aggressive cancer treatment (except to the degree required to maximize comfort) would be a hard NO for me. Almost surely OP's dad WILL suffer if he undergoes aggressive chemo. His oncologist may be strongly committed to the "cure at all costs" approach. I would not agree with that and, after all is said and done, it is the patient's decision (or the healthcare POA's).

I just answered this question on your other thread. I am glad that Lea posted a link to this thread because it tells more information about your dad.

I can’t imagine a man who is in his 80’s going through another round of chemotherapy, especially since his cancer is aggressive.

I know that this is a difficult time for you and your dad and I am terribly sorry that you are going through this.

I wouldn’t recommend that your dad continues to treat his cancer.

Start researching hospice providers. If you can find one that offers a hospice care home, please take advantage of this. My mother received excellent care in her hospice care home.

Hospice will provide a social worker for each of you to speak with. Counseling will continue for the family after your father dies if you desire it.

Hospice also has clergy on staff if you are interested.

Wishing you and your family peace.

You or he can request a hospice consult as an option. Honor what your father feels

I agree with honestly sharing your concerns with your dad as you did here. I just wanted to let you know that if he should choose to start therapy, he can still go on palliative care which will focus on symptom management. From there, it’s a very easy transition to hospice when the time comes. I can’t even imagine trying to push chemotherapy on an 87 year old but evidently it happens.

Tell dad what you told us. That you don't want to watch him suffer MORE due to chemo than he would with stage 4 cancer. At 87, and having been hospitalized due to the induction phase of chemo, the handwriting is on the wall now. Does he want quality of life or potential quantity of life now, since chemo MAY extend his life a bit but leave him in misery? Those are the facts. He's already been in the hospital so he knows what misery feels like. You'll support him either way, but recommend hospice to keep him comfortable at this point. 87 is a good long life.

I myself have stage 4 cancer at 66 and cannot undergo anymore treatment due to a serious toxic reaction to the first two. I'm in remission now, but if and when it comes back, I'll call in hospice because I cannot put myself thru more anguish again anyway. Life is but a finite period of time on earth anyway, so maximize each day. That's my motto.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

Just wanted to offer support as my sister had AML but refused treatment and died at 55 years old after 5 weeks.


If dad wants to do treatment then it's choice since he is of sound mind. Either the chemo will kill him or the cancer will if untreated.

But the oncologist needs to give him life expectancy with and without treatment. Yes the chemo may make his life more miserable for whatever added life span it gives him which is why the one doctor advised against the chemo. But ultimately dad has the final say unless he is too incapacitated to voice his preference.

Ultimately dad may start treatment and then stop and accept palliative care or hospice if the chemo is too much for him to handle. Or the oncologist may stop it.

I am sorry your dad and you and your family are going through this.