My father has been living alone for 5 years since my mother passed away. We recognize his health is changing and he no longer can take care of the house on his own. I suggested that he move in with my sister (which is is open to) for a month to see how things go. After we will take next steps. What needs to be done with the house since he no longer will be there in the short term?
Moving Dad in with your sister isn’t going to make it easier as he continues to decline .
On top of that now your sister will have him in her house 24/7 which changes her whole life plus who ever else lives in the house .
Skip this mistake of letting Dad get used to living with his daughter while his daughter becomes a servant to him , meanwhile your life in Florida doesn’t change . Tell Dad he needs to go to assisted living and sell his house .
Maybe the strategy needs to be have your Dad go to a good, reputable local facility where he will get opportunities for daily activities, events, socialization, etc.
Please read this Care Topic carefully:
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/30/burnout
and read the Questions posted by loving and well-meaning adult children who could not have imagined how being the live-in, hands-on caregiver wreaked havoc on their lives. Then read the responses from people who have lived this arrangement.
Your Dad may be "reasonable" now but it won't last since decline is a constant. You are asking your sister to be his 24/7 nurse/cook/hygiene manager/entertainer/housekeeper. Resist the urge to romanticize it.
How about your father instead moving down to Florida to live with you?
But realistically(as it's not fair to either of you to give up your lives and homes to care for him)....how about selling your fathers house as is and have him move into an assisted living facility where he will be round other folks his own age and will have daily activities to keep him busy.
And that way you both can just be his children and advocates and not his burned out caregivers.
Sounds like a good plan to me.
Moving in with your sister is a really really bad idea. She won’t like it and may get stuck taking care of him until he dies. By that time she might not like you much either, because you won’t be doing the grunt work like she is.
Heed the advice you’re getting here. We know.
Good luck.
Also what LEGAL arrangements made for a care contract for her for shared living expenses and costs.
Also what time frame for re-evaluation of whether this is working for Dad AND for sister, who is here my concern.
Your father's funds, so far as they can stretch should both pay for a care contract with sister for his needs for housing, food, maintenance, transportation, and for the expenses of his home.
At the point that the home cannot be maintained it should be sold with a good POA or guardianship, and the funds deposited for father's care.
And that's how it goes.
Do seek the advice of an hour of time with good attorney (elder law preferred).
I wish you the best of luck, but only hope against hope that sister knows what she's getting into and that she is COMPENSATED.
Your sister has been his caregiver and is finding it more difficult to care for him.
Your father’s needs are increasing and moving him into your sister’s home will not help your dad or your sister.
Why burden your sister with the additional load of being his full time caregiver? Would you want to take on this responsibility for your dad? I doubt it.
Trust me, I moved my mother into my home and it’s not easy to be a full time caregiver. Even with part time help from an agency caregivers, it was still hard.
If you want to help your dad and be fair to your sister, then bring up the topic of a facility for him to live out his remaining years in.
Then you and your sister can visit dad as his daughters.
One of you, most likely your sister, if she desires could act as his POA and oversee his care in the facility.
Your sister lives in the same city as your dad. She is the logical choice to become your dad’s POA. You live in a different state and won’t be able to see your dad as often as your sister can.
Best wishes to you and your family.
It's in your father's best interests that he sells his home to get the care he needs. He doesn't belong with his children, he needs the company of people his own age. People (90yrs) who know what they've gone through in life and can really relate to one another. He can start a new comfortable life with not having to maintain the burden of a home and living with people who are younger rushing around him, causing him confusion.
What does your sister think of this?
What does your dad think of this?
Who is POA, the one that can make decisions for dad if he is not competent to make his own decisions...and has it been determined that he can no longer make his own decisions?
Is your sister's family ready, willing to have him move in?
Is your sister's house set up so that he can manage?
No stairs, no carpet, wide hallways, walk in shower (one large enough for another person if he needs help) there are lots of other factors to consider as well, this is just a few
Also I'd like to add does your sister know what she is getting herself into and I truly hope that you are going to help her. Because this is a really rough road your sister is taking on, She needs to know that. And she is going to need all of your support help and love. And watch for your sister health too, burnt out , not the going to doctors herself, or taking care of herself.