Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

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Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

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B bundleofjoy Jun 5, 2024 · Answer 1 · 2024-06-05T09:16:42.000-0400

Two psychiatrists pass each other in the hall and say, "Hello."

One says to himself, "I wonder what he meant by that?"

B bundleofjoy Jun 5, 2024 · Answer 2 · 2024-06-05T09:16:03.000-0400

I know a really good joke but auto-correct keeps spoiling the lunchtime.

B bundleofjoy Jun 5, 2024 · Answer 3 · 2024-06-05T09:08:16.000-0400

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club,

Is don't talk about chess club.

I Isthisrealyreal Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 4 · 2024-06-04T17:14:15.000-0400

Bundle, LOL! I needed that, thank you!

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 5 · 2024-06-04T16:49:47.000-0400

I need a leaf blower
but for people.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 6 · 2024-06-04T16:48:49.000-0400

Nobody told me that when you get a husband
the ears are sold separately.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 7 · 2024-06-04T16:43:20.000-0400

Crap.
Turns out this IS my circus
and those ARE my monkeys.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 8 · 2024-06-04T16:37:41.000-0400

Not yet
Not yet
Not yet
Not yet
Eat me now
Too late
--Avocados

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 9 · 2024-06-04T16:23:02.000-0400

I just asked myself if I'm crazy and we all said no.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 10 · 2024-06-04T16:22:06.000-0400

😊😊 Don't follow my footsteps.
I run into walls.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 11 · 2024-06-04T16:21:08.000-0400

If the Earth was flat...

...cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 12 · 2024-06-04T16:19:35.000-0400

Happily ever after (phrase)

Error 404 not found.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 13 · 2024-06-04T12:49:16.000-0400

😊😊 It was me.
I let the dogs out.

B bundleofjoy Jun 4, 2024 · Answer 14 · 2024-06-04T12:42:10.000-0400

Me: I'm so stressed, you'll never believe it.

The friend: How stressed are you exactly?

Me: Well... I'm more stressed than a guy finding out his pre-teen daughter is pregnant, and the father is most likely your homeless uncle, but not quite as stressed as those people with the mixed up shoes.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 15 · 2024-06-03T17:24:07.000-0400

My dog is better than yours.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 16 · 2024-06-03T17:21:40.000-0400

😉
Don’t be happy.
Be worry.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 17 · 2024-06-03T17:20:30.000-0400

Not fast.
Just furious.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 18 · 2024-06-03T14:55:32.000-0400

Me: I need to do a thing.

Body: You did a thing yesterday, that’s enough things.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 19 · 2024-06-03T14:51:08.000-0400

🙂🙂 Today has been cancelled.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 20 · 2024-06-03T14:47:22.000-0400

…That awkward moment when you make a self-deprecating comment, and no one disagrees.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 21 · 2024-06-03T08:14:49.000-0400

😉
Some days, I'm the only person I can keep up with.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 22 · 2024-06-03T08:13:50.000-0400

😉
I only date women in their 20s. They need to be strong enough to roll me over so I don't get bedsores.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 23 · 2024-06-03T08:12:16.000-0400

😉
In "dog years", I'm dead.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 24 · 2024-06-03T08:07:26.000-0400

😉
People used to ask me "Are you okay?" when I made self-deprecating jokes.
I started telling them "No, not really. I'm actually pretty f*****g damaged. How are you?"
They don't ask me that now.

B bundleofjoy Jun 3, 2024 · Answer 25 · 2024-06-03T07:46:56.000-0400

🤔 How do you keep a fool in suspense?
I'll tell you the answer tomorrow.

B bundleofjoy Jun 2, 2024 · Answer 26 · 2024-06-02T15:39:47.000-0400

😡 I’m getting really sick of cookies having calories.

B bundleofjoy Jun 2, 2024 · Answer 27 · 2024-06-02T15:38:56.000-0400

🤔 Can you really get salmonella from eating cookie dough, or are people just trying to keep me from living my best life?

B bundleofjoy Jun 1, 2024 · Answer 28 · 2024-06-01T16:49:13.000-0400

Nap roulette (noun)

Taking a nap without setting an alarm. You don't know if you'll wake up in 30 minutes or 8 hours, but it's worth the risk.

B bundleofjoy Jun 1, 2024 · Answer 29 · 2024-06-01T16:45:48.000-0400

Passport (noun)

The most useless thing in 2020.

B bundleofjoy Jun 1, 2024 · Answer 30 · 2024-06-01T16:43:12.000-0400

Proofreading (verb)

We do it best after we've hit "send".

Jokes needed to lighten our day. Enter at your own risk!

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